First off, lower your weapon, take some deep breaths, let your heart rate return to normal. It’s ok; I come in peace.
You and I have some things in common. We both fell in love with Eli. We are both divorced. We both found love again after our first marriages failed. We both have two kids; one boy and one girl. We are both sisters, daughters and friends.
I am just a woman who happens to be a part of your life now, albeit indirectly, because you had children with the person who I will spend the rest of my life with. And you are just a woman, who happens to be part of my life now, for that same reason. Although we haven’t interacted yet, it’s bound to happen sometime in the future.
When it does, I hope that you can see me as I am; a mom. A mom who is helping raise your children. A mom who takes P to get her nails done and combs her hair; a mom who loves buying kids clothes from GAP and totally overdoes it on clothes for Z. A mom who holds your kids when they fall and scrape their knee. A mom that your kids squeeze tight when they need a hug. A mom that has read Pinkalicious so many times that I can almost recite it word for word. A mom that loves your kids and will do anything to make sure that they are happy and well taken care of. I will take care of your kids as if they are my own.
They are half of Eli, and I see so much of him in them. I’m sure you do to. Because I love Eli, and because P and Z are half him, it comes easy for me to love them. I will protect them fiercely. You probably don’t know this about me, but I am driven and extremely focused on positive outcomes. This will benefit your children just like it benefits mine. I will do everything I can for them.
I know what you’re thinking… “YOU WILL NEVER BE THEIR MOM. YOU WILL NEVER REPLACE ME.” Etc, etc. Well, the good news here is that I completely agree with you; 100%. I promise you that I will never even attempt to take your place. I will be their step-mom soon, but I will never be their mom. We will make memories together as a family, but those memories will never replace the memories that they make with you. Your kids will never love me like they love you. I know this, and I accept it. Even if they call me “Mom,” they will always know who their biological mother is and I will personally make sure of it.
The only thing that I will ask from you in return, is peace. Peace, and your understanding that my goal is to make your kids’ (and my kids’) lives as stress free and full of love as possible. This peace and understanding will help provide our children with a sense of stability; a sense of normalcy. It will model to them how mature, responsible adults behave. It will model to them that after love and after loss, there can still be kindness.
It is our job as parents to show them how to behave, not just tell them. We know that they are always watching. We know that they are intuitive, independent little beings that rely on the adults in their lives to provide examples in both action and spirit of how relationships of all types should function. Let’s show them that even under stressful circumstances, peace and respect are possible. It’s our responsibility as parents to teach them how to have courage and be kind. I will work hard to do this, and I hope that you will too.
I also wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart. If it wasn’t for you, the man that I love, wouldn’t be who he is today. Everything that he experienced with you, and the time he spent with you was all part of the greater plan. Even I have learned and grown so much from the experiences that have stemmed from you. Everything happens for a reason, and I know that without you, my children and I wouldn’t have what we have now; which is Eli, P and Z. So, thank you.
I truly wish you a life full of happiness, success, and peace.