I don’t know whether or not I am an official “blogger,” because I don’t post frequently these days, but I thought I should partake in writing the obligatory New Year’s Resolution post. As some of you know, 2019 was a huge year for me. I got a new job, got married, and bought a house! I also turned 30, and finally, I am feeling like an adult.

Even though I had my son when I was 22, got married (the first time) and got a “big girl job” when I was 23, and bought my first home when I was 24, I never truly felt like an adult. I sort of felt like I was faking it. I thought that I was under qualified for my job, I never really felt settled in my home, and I knew deep down that my marriage, although happy, felt off. The only thing that did make me feel like a grown-up was raising my kids. At least I knew that I was doing that part right.

It really wasn’t until 2019 that I stepped into adulthood. I know now that I deserve the career that I have. I earn an income that allowed me to buy a home. I parent my kids with intention and purpose. But the most transformative of all, is that I married the man of my dreams, and we are together for all of the right reasons. I guess for me, feeling like an adult is about finally feeling like I’m where I’m meant to be. I feel a sense of content that I have never really felt in the past. But something in me is still yearning for growth. For change.

So, looking forward into to 2020, how do I top last year? Can I top last year? In terms of major life milestones – I would rather not… I definitely don’t feel like changing jobs or buying a new house. Although I have my eye set on a new car (Volvo XC90, you will be mine), I will wait at least another year for that. Externally, I have everything I want and need. So, I’ve decided that instead of achieving big, external goals, I am going to focus on achieving meaningful goals, focused on personal growth.

Without further ado, here are my resolutions…

  • Headspace (and heart-space) is reserved for those who I love, and who love me.

For the last few years, and probably all of my life, in an effort to fix problems, I have spent way too much of my time giving energy to people and things that simply don’t deserve it. I tend to pour myself into things without asking if what I am doing is good for me too. Sometimes I know that what I am wasting perfectly good headspace on, is definitely not good for me. I know that the problems I am trying to solve are inviting toxicity into my life. I overthink. Well, not anymore.

In 2020, I vow to make a cognoscente effort to “cancel, cancel, cancel, delete, delete, delete.” And what does that mean, you might ask? It means that when a thought pops into my head about someone or something that is pointless to be thinking about, I cancel my thought process, delete the information, and move on to something positive and productive. Because I know that no matter what scenarios I run through, what I do, what I say, or how much I hope and pray for a specific outcome, some people can’t change and what is meant to be, will be. So thank you Meredith Miller for teaching me how to cancel and DELETE. My brain and my heart can do so much good in the lives of people I love, and I will be focusing on that.

*I do want to note that I will continue to work towards the best possible outcome for my step-kids, although I plan on doing so in a more thoughtful way.*

  • Self-care reimagined.

How did it take me 30 years to figure out what “self-care” truly means? I feel like I am a little late to the party with this resolution, but… better late then never I suppose. In the past, and up until a few weeks ago, I used the terms “treat yourself” and “self-care” interchangeably. 

To me, self-care meant that I didn’t say “no” to myself. I mean, obviously I have a conscious, and morals, and all of that, so it’s not like I ran around like a wild animal. But I did treat myself.  For example, I would think, “Ok, I should get changed and go to the gym.” Then, that treat yourself voice would chime in saying, “You had a long day at work… You deserve to relax. Kick up your feet, pour yourself a glass of wine, and do nothing.” Well, that sounded amazing, and I did deserve to relax after a long day, so I skipped the gym. Again, and again, and again. 

Now imagine that I applied this, not only to the gym, but to food, shopping, general procrastination, etc. Now suddenly my “self-care” has led to self-sabotage. Here I am thinking that I deserve that cookie, that margarita, and that pair of shoes. Thinking that I am “treating” myself. When in actuality, I am working in direct opposition to my long term goals of being healthy, feeling strong and saving money.

This year, instead of “treating myself,” I am going to treat myself with respect. I am going to pause to think about what I am working towards, rather than what I feel like I deserve from one moment to the next. I am going to meditate, exercise, drink more water, practice positive self-talk, get more sleep, and fuel my body. My future self and I deserve that. 

  • More writing.

I love to write. I love to organize. I love/hate to overthink. So why on earth haven’t I started journaling yet?! When I was young, I had my fair share of diaries. I wrote normal pre-teen girl stuff in them, along with my hopes and dreams. One of which, was meeting the Spice Girls. I wrote that one down every day for months. And miraculously, when I was in the 5th grade, I met Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice). If that isn’t some elementary school manifestation then I don’t know what is. 

Anyway, a lot of very successful people (including my 5th grade self, apparently) write out their goals and journal daily. One of those successful people is my husband, Eli. I have been watching him journal and goal-set almost every day for the past 2 years. Since he started journaling, he has accomplished many of his goals, some much more quickly than either of us anticipated. 

There is something so powerful about writing things down, and being intentional with thoughts and words; I’ve seen it firsthand. So, I am going to pick out a journal and start writing. I will write down my goals everyday, write down ideas as they come up, and spend a few minutes each night jotting down whatever is on my mind.

As I look back on the last year, I see that the external work – the external success – was the easy part. Now, it’s time to do the hard work. The work of commitment, self-care, and creating healthy habits. I know that writing these resolutions down is the first step towards achieving them. And with that, cheers to 2020 – my year for clarity, progress, and peace.